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OperaMom Forum :: OperaMom Discussion Boards :: OperaMom Forum :: dilemma Author Topic: dilemma (Read 197 times) ellamenno Friend of the Forum member is offline Joined: Feb 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 45 Location: Lubbock, TX Karma: 2 dilemma « Thread Started on Aug 3, 2009, 3:15pm » Hi all, I have a dilemma.... I am 35 weeks pregnant and had a checkup today with a new midwife at the practice I've been gonig to. My husband and I had decided to be surprised about the gender of the baby (as we did the first time with our daughter) and I THOUGHT that was written in my chart somewhere. While checking the heartbeat, the MW said, "Your son sounds great! Do you have a name picked out?" I was so crushed (not because i don't want a boy, but because the surprise was ruined) that i just said, 'Uh, no not yet..." Then I spent the rest of the visit trying to decide whether i should tell her she'd just ruined the surprise. I decided not to say anything. but now I don't know whether I should tell my husband or keep the gender - and the fact that I know the gender a secret. It somehow feels dishonest to act like i don't know, but i know he really really wants to be surprised. any advice???? ellamenno Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged bunnyrh Has Much to Share member is offline Joined: Apr 2002 Gender: Female Posts: 149 Location: Connecticut Karma: 5 Re: dilemma « Reply #1 on Aug 5, 2009, 2:23pm » Hey ellamenno! So sorry your surprise was ruined! I'm sure that was very disappointing. I agree that it seems somewhat dishonest. My gut reaction would be to tell your husband that you accidentally found out and find out of he would like to know, too. Then, if he really still wants the surprise, you can respect that wish, but he will know that you know. Either way, you're keeping the secret of the gender, so I don't think you lose anything by telling him that you know (it's not your fault the MW told you). But, if you don't tell him, there's always the risk that he will be upset that you knew but didn't tell him that you knew, if he finds out. Hope your pregnancy is going smoothly! bunny Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged ellamenno Friend of the Forum member is offline Joined: Feb 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 45 Location: Lubbock, TX Karma: 2 Re: dilemma « Reply #2 on Aug 21, 2009, 9:43am » Hi Bunny! Well, here's the story: I was really upset, and my husband was super busy that day so he didn't come home til late. I talked to my mom and told her that the MW had messed up, but didn't tell her the gender - because i didn't want her to know and not my husband. She said, "you know honey, in the grand scheme of things, this is not a bad secret - he'll find out soon enough and if you think the surprise is important to him, it'll be easier to not tell him you know than to tell him you know and not ruin the surprise." Soooo.... i kept the fact that i knew a secret (which was not hard at all, since he didn't ask!) and we continued talking about names and contemplating the little brother/sister question with my daughter. When I went back to be checked the next week (by a different MW) I told her what had happened and asked if there was a way to keep the surprise from being ruined when we get to the hospital. She said to bring a sign to put up in the room. Then she went to get a copy of my records to bring with me when i go into labor. When she came back into the room with the print-out she said, "Well, y'know your chart does not include the sex of the baby, so maybe the other MW was just guessing, or thought you'd said it was a boy." Soooo..... I dunno if she was just being nice, or if in fact it is NOT in my chart. But.... I think i'll just leave it for now and let my husband (and maybe even me!) be surprised. Ellamenno Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Mommee Lives On This Forum! member is offline "No other success can compensate for failure in the home." -- J. E. McCulloch Joined: Apr 2002 Gender: Female Posts: 305 Location: NYC Karma: 3 Re: dilemma « Reply #3 on Aug 24, 2009, 8:36am » Your post totally made me smile. I'm glad that the mystery is back for you, and I'll look forward to the news! Mommee Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged bunnyrh Has Much to Share member is offline Joined: Apr 2002 Gender: Female Posts: 149 Location: Connecticut Karma: 5 Re: dilemma « Reply #4 on Aug 28, 2009, 7:29am » I'm glad you will still be surprised! I imagine that it is very hard for the docs, MWs etc to speak gender neutrally all the time. I'm sure people slip and call the baby something, even if they don't know what it is. I did it myself before I knew my girls were girls. That's great news! Hurray! Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged ellamenno Friend of the Forum member is offline Joined: Feb 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 45 Location: Lubbock, TX Karma: 2 Re: dilemma « Reply #5 on Aug 28, 2009, 6:35pm » Hi All, Saw my doctor yesterday and she confirmed that nothing is in the chart about the gender of the baby and that everyone in that practice seems to say 'he' just to avoid saying 'it.' so..... yay! I'm glad we will still be surprised.... I told my husband the whole story and he said he DID appreciate that i was keeping it a surprise for him - but now he's glad we'll both be surprised. Yay! Now i'm just hoping to go into labor. I've tried all the tricks but still no contractions. I'm due Sunday, but if i don't go into labor, because of a previous C-section my doctor has scheduled a repeat C for tuesday Please send me labor inducing thoughts and any ideas you have!!! Thanks, ellamenno Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged stinky Lives On This Forum! member is offline Joined: Jul 2003 Gender: Female Posts: 375 Karma: 4 Re: dilemma « Reply #6 on Aug 30, 2009, 2:22pm » By the power vested in me (which alas is nil) I hereby send you into labor with a happy healthy ... baby! Keep us posted! I'm so glad your surprise is back. Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Mommee not signed in Guest Re: dilemma « Reply #7 on Sept 2, 2009, 12:12pm » Thinking of you, ellamenno! Hope all is well. Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged ellamenno Friend of the Forum member is offline Joined: Feb 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 45 Location: Lubbock, TX Karma: 2 Re: dilemma « Reply #8 on Sept 20, 2009, 2:48pm » Hi All, Well, I DID go into labor before the scheduled C section, but alas.... after 20 or so hours i had an emergency C anyway due to cord compression/meconium/heart decels/ distress etc. Total bummer, since i made it to 8 cm. But - Very relieved all went well and here's the kicker: It's a GIRL!!!! (a big chubby healthy happy girl ) So I woulda been surprised anyway! it's been 3 weeks and i'm just trying to adjust to it all. Still sore/recovering, but all's well. ellamenno Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Mommee not signed in Guest Re: dilemma « Reply #9 on Oct 13, 2009, 10:47pm » CONGRATULATIONS!!! Joy! Joy! Love! Love! What happiness - and a GIRL!! I love that you got a surprise, anyway. Wishing you a swift recovery and a baby who sleeps! Mommee xo Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged rosalinda Friend of the Forum member is offline Joined: Dec 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 35 Location: Western US Karma: 0 Re: dilemma « Reply #10 on Oct 18, 2009, 10:12pm » Happy babymoon! Glad you were still surprised! Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Mommee Lives On This Forum! member is offline "No other success can compensate for failure in the home." -- J. E. McCulloch Joined: Apr 2002 Gender: Female Posts: 305 Location: NYC Karma: 3 Re: dilemma « Reply #11 on Nov 23, 2009, 2:56pm » Rosalinda, is that a new baby ticker for you? If so - congratulations!! Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Forum Jump--------------------» Home--------------------» OperaMom Discussion Boards--------------------- OperaMom Forum- DaddyDesk Forum- Administrative

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