Trying to decide whether to have another one..

[momoftoddler]

Hi everyone. I'm new here.

I'm in my mid 30's, mom to a toddler. I was very much a late starter in singing and have struggled to get my voice in line: I am now studying with a wonderful teacher and it is going really well. I am also getting into my natural rep I think (and one or two roles are regularly needed: Queen for instance). I have done a few professional gigs: nothing huge but it seems like I may actually be on the verge of getting more. In addition, I'm starting to think about teaching privately.

With my first baby, I had severe pre-eclampsia and other complications (daughter was born extremely premature). With pre-eclampsia, there is a bit of a "protective window": ie. because of my history, I'm more at risk of having the same thing happen again, but if I get pregnant within 3 years, the timing decreases the likelihood somewhat. Even so, there is a fairly high chance that I would have to be on bed rest for some of the pregnancy, and if the same thing happened, singing etc. would not even be an option for several months while baby was in hospital.

I'm torn. We're both starting to really long for another child: we had always wanted 3 and before our daughter considered 2 to be our "compromise". But at the same time, I'm finally feeling like I have momentum in singing. And if I am going to have another one, we need to do it soon (taking a break for singing and increasing the risk just isn't an option). And that isn't even the whole story. Due to other complications that I suffered I'd be on anti-coagulants, so giving myself needles daily, 2x daily in the abdomen after 20 weeks: no idea how having a sore/bruised abdomen would effect my singing, to say nothing of the fear throughout the pregnancy of the same things happening.

Any thoughts/ experiences?

Thanks!

[mom2toddler2]

I would put my energies into having your next child. The time will go more quickly than you think, and before you know it, you'll be right back in the momentum again. AND you'll have your children with you. Don't fear the future of what if's. Do what you know you want to do, and have no fear!

[ellamenno]

It's so hard to juggle work and kids and it's always such a subjective thing but I agree with the previous post. It seems like you really have your heart set on another baby, and as we all know, physically it's best to do it sooner rather than later.
I got preeclampsia a week AFTER my daughter was born (you can get it up to 6 weeks postpartum) and because i had a c-section it took months longer to get back to singing than i'd planned. But you have to know yourself and roll with the punches. singing is not like olympic skating: you don't have to quit when your 20!!!! Once the little ones are in school/on a regular schedule you'll know more what you can do with your career. your voice isn't going anywhere!
This kind of decision is tougher, i think, for those deciding whether to have that first child. Once you've already got one or two, you know what you're getting into ;-)
ellamenno